Things I Don’t Understand, Part who-knows-how-many

Everyone who knows me knows I am NOT a morning person.  Most of the flower pictures I post on here are from my patio in the early morning, where the loudest noises are my dogs occasionally barking (and quickly shushed), my neighbor starting his car, and the ubiquitous (for the South) sound of air conditioners whining away at house after house….  I sit out there quietly, drinking coffee, checking email, then facebook, then the New York Times, until I’m ready for the day.

Staying at a hotel is interesting.  I don’t have to have “the Ritz”.  I have stayed in some exceedingly well-known and very nice hotels in my time—but once you get to the Hampton Inn/Courtyard level, I think the differences are incremental at best.  A hotel room is a hotel room is a hotel room, even when it’s a pretty luxe suite.

But staying at the Hampton Inn the last 4 days, I will never understand:

• The morning people’s apparently unquenchable need to shout, a la Robin Williams, “GOOOOOOOOOD MORNING!!!!” at the top of their lungs.  (“Good Morning, Vietnam”, a great movie if you’ve not seen it).  (my young friend Russ, ranting about morning DJ’s, says, “I don’t care about your opinion at 4:00 am, I just want music!”).
• Men (I don’t see or hear many women doing this, but wouldn’t be surprised, female readers, feel free to comment) who see a friend/colleague at breakfast/in the men’s room/in the locker room, and shout at the top of their lungs, “HEYYYYYY, FRED!!!!  WHAT’S UP, MAN?  HOW’RE TANYA AND THE KIDS?”  Fred is 4 feet away from you, is he deaf?  Isn’t it rude to shout at deaf people?  This, by the way, is NOT confined to a single social class.  It is universal:
• “FREDERICK, OLD BOY, HOW IS THE MARKET TREATING YOU?  TANYA AND THE CHIILDREN DOING WELL?”
• “FRA-YUD, YEW OL SON-UF-A-GUN, HOW THE HELL ARE YA?  HOW ARE TANYA AND ALL THEM KIDS OF YOURN A-DOIN?”
• “FAST FREDDIE! YO, MAN, WHASSUP?  YO, STILL WIT DAT HOT HO TANYA?”
• “FRED, DUDE, WHAT’S HAPPENING, MAN?  YOU AND YOUR OLD LADY TANYA SCORE ANY GOOD WEED LATELY?”
• “RAJESH—I MEAN, “FRED”, HOW ARE YOU TODAY MY FRIEND?  HOW IS RUPAL—I MEAN, “TANYA”?  HAVE YOU BEEN BLESSED WITH MORE SONS?”
• In hotels where breakfast is included, there is always a television, and it’s always on, with the volume turned ALL THE WAY UP.  In uber-right-wing-conservative-christian-Dallas, it’s always tuned to Fox News (“Fair and Balanced”).

What’s your deal in the morning?  Are you like me, wondering why all this noise?  Or are you one of the noisy ones?  If the latter, WHY?