Ennui

For the first time in 57 years, I find myself totally disinterested in sports.  Always, by this time of year, I'm heavily involved with baseball, at least moderately interested in MLS, and of course am ravenously devouring everything I can get my hands on about football.

Not this go round.  I have not been to a single baseball game this year, and only half-heartedly watched a couple of Razorback playoff games.  The Astros could be first or last, I wouldn't even know (I suspect they're near the bottom; the bad thing is, I have no idea who's leading the Leagues--and worse, don't care).

NFL?  The only NFL team I've ever truly loved was the Dallas Cowboys--but even the hottest flame can grow cold.  I didn't watch a single one of their games last year and don't plan to do so this year.  As long as Jerry is being the General Manager, it's never going to be any better than it is right now.

I'm happy for my Baylor friends, who are enjoying success after all these decades.  Unfortunately, my loathing for the University prevents me from any interest in it.  I've been alienated from it for so long now that it has no more meaning for me than, say, Brigham Young or Notre Dame or any other kooky religious college.  There's nothing there.

I never thought I'd say it, but this year I can't muster any enthusiasm for Arkansas either.  Too much losing, too much drama, too much turnover.  Did I mention too much drama?  I'll watch the games but won't hesitate even one minute to turn it off if they fall too far behind--and this year, for the first year since 1991, my fall weekends will in no way be affected by the Arkansas Razorbacks' football schedule.  If there's something else I'd rather do, I'm going to do it instead of planning my life around a college football team.  And, this will make the second year in a row I will attend NO games.

On a broader scale, I suppose this is just life.  We're passionate about things for a while, then move on to the next thing.  I did church music, then symphony, then opera, for years.  Then I did the football thing.

The thing is, the "new" thing has always kind of eased in and supplanted the old thing; there's never been a gap.

This time, there's a gap, and it's weird.  I literally have lost interest in everything.

Travel?  Sure, as long as it's somewhere new.  Don't need New York, New England, even Florida or the West.  Never did need the Midwest and I've done the South to death.  Even London and Paris...maybe someplace like Rome or Buenos Aires or Rio or Hong Kong or Sydney--and as soon as I get the cash I'll go there.  I'm going to Gay Days in Anaheim this year, think that'll be fun.

Otherwise, what to do?  My therapist and friends say, "get involved!"  WITH WHAT?  One must first have interest in something....

Ennui.