To the Houstonian( s) whose heir( s)(?) donated (to the Goodwill on Katy Freeway at Beltway 8) your exquisitely tasteful (we will overlook the Carpenters in light of the Brahms, Beethoven, Bach, Bizet, and Bing) collection of (anal-retentively maintained) albums, with a plastic dust jacket covering each album cover, which contains the flawless, like-new records:
Having inspected a couple of your records and having figured out what they were, I looked frantically through the rack and found as many of the rest as were left; I then (gulp—even at Goodwill prices…) bought the lot. I promise that I will endeavor to maintain them as well as you did, and I will toast you when I listen to them.
So thank you, whoever and wherever you are.