FOOBAW; or, how I learned to stop worrying and love the game

I had a little speed bump on the road of life Friday; spent the day getting checked out for “Chest Pain, nonspecific” at St. Luke’s.  (St. Luke’s is where some ol nobody doc named Denton Cooley made somewhat of a name for himself---I mean, if you’re going to have heart issues, Houston is the best place in the world to do it, no?). 

They checked me and found I was in no immediate danger (they figure it was “stress”), scheduled me for more tests (surprise!) and sent me home with instructions to not engage in any “heavy physical activity”.

I took this as an excuse to mean, “Don’t mow the yard; sit in the recliner all weekend and watch football.”

So I did.

I watched 6 games this weekend.

AUBURN at ARKANSAS

---photo courtesy Mr.. James K. Pork

Well, THAT was fun, wasn’t it!?

You could make arguments that Texas A&M was not ready for primetime; that we really hadn’t played anyone; that we were still very suspect in a number of areas.

The Auburn game proved the contrary.  Arkansas dominated Auburn from one end of the football field to the other; yes, Auburn helped with giftwrapped turnovers, but upon second viewing a lot of those turnovers were Arkansas-induced.

I’ve seen the argument on the Auburn boards that “Arkansas gets up a lot more for us than we do for the; they consider us a MAJOR opponent while we consider them like (snif) one of the Mississippi schools.”  Uh, yeah, NO, not really.  I mean, the Auburn game is an SEC game, all right; it’s a “big” game in that they are all “big”, but in no way does Arkansas consider Auburn to be one of the SEC elite teams.  I’d say we’re right there together, Aubies.  Y’all haven’t “broken out” either.  If you disregard us every year, well, that’s just great, you keep on doing so---makes it easier for us to beat you on our way to beating “REAL” SEC teams like LSU and Alabama. 

---photo courtesy Mr.. James K. Pork

The thing I liked about the Auburn game (well, I liked a LOT about the Auburn game) was the fact that the defense really does seem to be improving by leaps and bounds.  They were better against Auburn (a much better team) than they were against Texas A&M; better against A&M than they were against Alabama; better against Alabama (which is better than anybody gave them credit for being preseason) than they were against Georgia.  Had our defense played as well in the Georgia game as they played in the Auburn game, that would have been a win for us.

Receivers play is looking good, and we have a QB who can get the passes there.  He played 3 or 4 games for Michigan, otherwise, he’s effectively a FRESHMAN.  That’s the other thing you’ve got to love about these Hogs---they’re VERY YOUNG.  When they get some seasoning on them---well, let’s say I wouldn’t feel funny talking about Atlanta next year, especially considering Alabama loses a lot of that talent to the NFL next year. 

It’s like this, Aubies: 

HEY AUBURN!

HEY AUBURN!

HEY AUBURN!

WE JUST BEAT THE HELL OUTTA YOU!

WHOLE HOG, HALF HAM, ARKANSAS BY DAMN!!!

 

ALABAMA at OLE MISS

AND LO, THE HEATHEN GIANT CRIMSON BEASTS FROM THE BANKS OF THE BLACK WARRIOR RIVER DID RISE UP, AND SMOTE THE CHILDREN OF MISSISSIPPI WHERE THEY STOOD; OFFENSE AND DEFENSE THEY SMOTE THEM; THEY SMOTE THEM ON THE OFFENSIVE LINE, THEY SMOTE THEM ON THE DEFENSIVE LINE, THEY SMOTE THEM IN THE BACKFIELD, THEY SMOTE THEM IN THE KICKING GAME, THEY SMOTE THEM IN THE BOWL CUTS.  VERILY, EVEN THE MUCH-VAUNTED SNEAD REGRESS-ED ONCE AGAIN, THANKS TO THE TUTELEGE OF THE REVEREND, AND AS THE DARKNESS COVERED THE FACE OF VAUGHT-HEMINGWAY STADIUM, YEA, VERILY, I SAY THAT THE VOICES OF THE MISSISSIPPI FAITHFUL CRIED OUT IN DESPAIR, AND GREAT WAS THEIR MOANING, AND THERE WAS WEEPING AND WAILING AND GNASHING OF TEETH, AND THERE WAS HOTTYING AND TODDYING; THEY TORE THEIR GARMENTS AND ANNOINTED THEMSELVES WITH BOURBON!  AND DID CRY OUT, “BUT REVEREND NUTT, WE DRANK YOUR KOOL AID!  WE BELIEVED!  BUT FORSOOTH, OUR SPECIAL TEAMS WERE NOT SPECIAL, AND OUR LINES CAVE-ED IN, AND GREAT WAS THE SUFFERING OF OUR SNEAD!”  TO WHICH THE REVEREND REPLIED, “GIGGITAH!  SMEZMERIZE!”

And there was sadness in the valley of Oxford, and they were sore afraid, for the rest of the SEC schedule did not look promising, and it appeared their cousins from Arkansas were right; and this, surely, was the unkindest (bowl) cut of all.

 

BAYLOR at OKLAHOMA

Man, Baylah is a long, long way from the days of “I Believe” when Grant Teaff took us to the Promised Land. 

And there was sadness at Jerusalem on the Brazos, and the little light on top of Pat Neff Hall (where God lives!) was dark, and there was no green on Pat Neff Hall; and the natives cared not, for they were at George’s, snarfing down chicken fried steaks and Bud Lights, and trying to get into Betty Baylor’s (or, for that matter, Bobby Baylor’s) pants (without anybody finding out, since it IS Baylah….).

 

FLORIDA at LSU

Well, the great shoot out that wasn’t.  Seemed to me both teams struggled mightily with each other throughout the game.  At the end, Florida proved that they’re just a bit bigger, badder, and stronger than LSU.  Tiger Bait, indeed.  More like Gator Bait.

 

DALLAS at KANSAS CITY

Sigh.  What an exercise in futility.  Yes, we won (yaaaay!).  We managed (through the heroic individual effort of one player) to scrape by in overtime against one of the worst teams in the NFL.  Woo-Hoo!  Pardon me if I’m less than thrilled. 

As a head coach, Wade Phillips is a great defensive coordinator (whose defenses can’t seem to stop quarter-ending drives for game-winning TD’s).

As a quarterback, Tony Romo would be good holding somebody’s clipboard.  Yes, I’m ready to throw Tony under the bus.  Buh-bye.  Less celebrity dating.  Less nightclubbing.  More completed passes.

Bleah.  The whole experience was just foul.

 

HOUSTON at ARIZONA

Sigh.  Until the Texans get themselves an offensive line and a new QB (I’m not sold on Schaub at all), they’re never going to make the playoffs (much less win a game in the playoffs).  Kubiak’s last year in Houston.

 

COLTS at TITANS

Hey, it was a FOOBAW game!  Well, not much of one, and I could care less about either team, but it was foobaw!  Of course, it’s always fun to watch the Titans lose (and no, Titans, you CAN’T wear Oilers uniforms again!  There is a lot of bitterness in Houston about the way you left us in the lurch!  I personally hope you lose every game!).

 

And that was this weekend!  Whew!

 

Hogs have their work cut out for them in the Swamp next weekend.  Who knows?  It could happen!?